I'm just... cautious of them.
For the most part, I try to ignore the spiders I encounter.
Because when I try to kill them, this happens:
I like to avoid disappearing spiders.
Joshua, on the other hand, deals with spiders in two different ways, depending on whether or not they have touched him:
Joshua's way of dealing with a spider who has NOT touched him:
Joshua's way of dealing with a spider who HAS touched him:
Joshua's fury is so strong it can actually destroy spiders simply out of fiery anger.
There is no 'gray' area there. If the spider does not touch him it will continue living a happy eight legged life, and will produce many happy eight legged babies.
But if it does, the sheer amount of fury with which Joshua will hunt it down and make it pay not only destroys the spider, but simultaneously results in the spontaneous destruction of all spiders in a three mile radius.
But I tend to just ignore them, and let them be spiders.
There are some exceptions:
1. If they are in a place I use often...
I'm fine if a spider is chilling out in a corner of my room, near my books, and far away from me.
But when that same spider decides he'd rather camp out in the corner next to my bed, then we have a problem.
2. If their body is bigger than a quarter...
This was never a problem in Seattle, where the biggest spider we have (a wolf spider, close relative to the werewolf spider) has a body roughly the size of a nickle.
They're not that big, and I can ignore them and/or pretend it was just a ball of lint running across my floor.
But this was a massive problem in Australia; specifically at Joshua's place in Mackay - an area of tropical Queensland.
You see, Australia wasn't just where the English sent their prisoners.
Oh no.
I'm 99% certain it's ALSO where the ENTIRE ANIMAL KINGDOM sent their most dangerous and murderous prisoners, as well.
Which is how Australia ended up with a horrific spider named the Huntsman.
Take a moment to google image that.
Go on, just one second. What could it hurt, right?
I'll wait...
...
Did you do it?
Will that image haunt you for the rest of your life?!
Damn straight it will.
Because huntsman spiders are spiders on steroids. They're concocted from the cumulative nightmares of all the collective arachnophobics in the world.
Now imagine living in a house with three of them.
Which I did
I once went an entire day not leaving Josh's room, because a huntsman decided to spend the entire day chilling out on his bedroom door frame.
They're not timid either.
Oh no.
The will chase you. Because they know that, if push comes to shove, they could probably eat us all.
Which is why I cannot let any spider larger than a quarter live.
(Josh and I were, in fact, assaulted by a huntsman one night while I slept. Until that moment, none of the spiders had ever touched me in Joshua's house. But this one waited until we were sleeping and defenseless before viciously attempting to maul me.
It was the single worst experience I had in Australia.
Thankfully, it barely touched me (except to land next to my face on the pillow and run down part of my body).
But it ran over Joshua's face. Thereby violating his 'you live until you touch me' policy
3. If the spider and I have 'an agreement'.
I like to think that the spiders I encounter are just like people - they're tying to make due, finding a nice place to live and worrying about what they'll have for dinner.
So I really do try not to kill them.
Sometimes that means striking an agreement with my eight legged roommates, which I always believe they can somehow understand.
This happened when I moved back to the US and found that a spider had decided that the window above my shower was a great place to set up shop and chill out.
Now, I couldn't very well KICK HIM OUT of his home.
He was there first.
So I made a deal with him.
And Mr. Spider kept his part of the bargain
That is, until just recently.
When i noticed another spider had decided to live in the lower corner of my shower
And then a daddy long legs took up residence near my sink
And, finally, a tiny baby spider decided to live near my toilet paper.
Mr. Spider had failed in his duty.
It was time to bring out the vacuum cleaner.
One by one I took care of the spiders living in my bathroom.
*thoip*
*thoip*
*thoip*
Finally, it was me and Mr. Spider. Who betrayed me, by letting the others in.
There was only one problem
Mr Spider had the greatest living arrangement in the world.
Because my vacuum couldn't get to him when he ran into a small crease between the wall and the window.
I tried and I tried.
Finally, exhausted, I admitted defeat.
Mr. Spider had won.
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