Pain Only A Woman Understands

Women put up with a lot.

And most of it we do to ourselves.

And we do it to look better.

Now, I'm not going to get up on my feminist soap box and rant and rave about how society forces women to injure themselves in order to confirm to an unrealistic, objectified and sexualised ideal.

Because I don't buy it, even for one second.

And, frankly, I find the implication insulting.

But my views on the ironically hegemonic teachings of sociology aside, we can all agree that women go to some extreme lengths to be seen as attractive.

And sometimes I think we need reminding of just how ridiculous some of these beauty rituals are.


1. Eyebrow Plucking

I have messed up eyebrows.

Normal eyebrows are supposed to look like this:



My eyebrow looks like this:




Which means, like what I assume is the majority of women, I end up having to pluck my forest of eyebrow hair into a semi-manageable garden of eyebrow hair.

Which I wouldn't mind if it didn't hurt like a bitch.

And since my skin is overly sensitive, plucking my eyebrows makes the entire area above my eye turn red.



Also, for an unknown reason, it makes me sneeze.






2. Shaving

I hate being hairy.
I also hate shaving.
Thankfully for Joshua, I hate being hairy just a tiny bit more than I hate shaving, otherwise I probably would have given it up years ago.

It's not the time consuming nature of shaving, or the inconvenience of it, that I hate.
Oh no.
It's that exact moment when you nic yourself with a razor.





Five seconds later...



3. Waxing

The only thing worse than shaving, is waxing.
Now, I've only ever done this twice.

The first time, I couldn't get the wax to lift from my skin. Which left me a giant sticky, and still hairy, blob.



The second time, I bought a better waxing kit, and tried again.






Nothing could be more painful than that experience.

But I was determined to finish the job.

This is exactly why they make Tylenol and beer. And why they should package both of those together with waxing kits.




When I was sufficiently numbed to pain, I tried again.




In the end, I ended up as a sticky blob again. Only this time I was red, hairy, and drunk.



4. Bending

Yoga is great for exercise and relaxation.
For people that can bend, at least.

I don't fit into that category.
You see, I can't even touch my toes.



But I insist on doing yoga.