Bugs are Taking over our Schools

My mother recently decided to take a teaching job near her house in Hawaii. Monday was her first day preparing her new classroom, and she was less than enthusiastic with what she found there;
"It's full of bugs" she told me "There are cockroaches everywhere, and I just don't know what to do..."

This is a problem in any tropical climate; if you leave Seattle, be prepared to trade our cold and rainy days for the warm embrace of horrific bugs you wished never crawled on this planet.

But, thankfully for my mother, her daughter is a genius.
It didn't take long for me to compile a list of solutions (and their possible problems) to her cockroach woes.

So, here you are mom. You're welcome.

Solution One:
Spray the fuck out the classroom.

Problem:
The problem with this approach is pretty obvious. Namely, what is 'bug poison' is also 'children poison' (though they normally don't use that as a draw in their advertisements)

Also, children will put anything in their mouths. Toys, fingers, flamethrowers, you name it. So if it's covered in poison, chances are someones gonna die and someone else is gonna get sued.
(There is an upside to the 'kids will stick anything in their mouths' problem; see Solution Three!)

Solution Two:
Giant bug-repellent space suits (for kids!)



Problem:
First of all, expense. Space suits are expensive, even when just designed to keep out bugs. Do you have any idea how many bake sales you'd have to organize to raise that kind of cash? And no one wants to buy cookies that are covered in cockroaches.

Also, forcing children into airless suits for hours at a times is probably against some sort of law, or something. I don't know, I'm a genius not a lawyer.

Solution Three:
Tell the children the bugs are just moving candy, and watch them eat the problem away!



Problem:
Definitely illegal. And gross.


Solution Four:
Allow the cockroaches to attend class, and train them to become productive members of society.



Problem:
What problem? This idea is amazing.
How else are these cockroaches supposed to achieve their many-legged hopes and dreams? What about the little cockroach who wants to grow up to be Dr. Cockroach? Or the cockroach who wants to grow up to write the next great insect novel?