It's been nearly a full month since the last post.
But I have some great excuses for my absence.
You see, I was in Hawaii:
And then, once I got back, this happened:
That's right....
I turned into a giant hive monster.
(I told you I had a good excuse)
Lets start from the beginning:
For those who know me, it's pretty obvious I'm a wee bit of a hypochondriac.
This isn't anything new, though.
I've been a hypochondriac since I was a little kid.
I've had a million undiagnosed and deadly diseases over the years that all my doctors assured me were just stress:
Problem: Insomnia
Diagnosis: Stress
Problem: Anemia
Diagnosis: Failure to eat red meat. Also, stress
Problem: Reoccurring weight loss
Diagnosis: Stress
Problem: Horrifically itchy rash on my legs
Diagnosis: Stress
Problem: Inability to stop making unnecessary doctors appointments
Diagnosis: Stress
And, frankly, no matter what the doctors tell me, I can't help but think I'd be under much less stress if they didn't diagnose me with so many stress related illnesses.
But I digress...
A few months ago, I started to getting really sick.
And, being the hypochondriac I am, I decided there was something horrifically and unspeakably wrong with me.
Unfortunately for me, the internet is a hypochondriac's best friend.*
It turns out Dr. House was wrong.
It was lupus.
Based on my own diagnosis, and complete lack of any medical knowledge, I went through the five stages of grieving.
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
And, finally,
5. Acceptance
I even called my friends and family to break the bad news.
I think now is as good a time as ever to point out that:
1. I am in no way trying to make light of an incurable auto-immune disease with this blog, and my heart goes out to those with SLE. It is a horrific condition.
2. I am actually planning to go get this checked out by a qualified doctor who is not 'WebMD' or Yahoo.answers* as soon as my medical insurance kicks in within the next few weeks. Writing this post is both a humorous jab at my own insecurities as well as a cathartic release for someone who is, honest to god, quite scared that she may have an incurable auto-immune disease.
I also think now is as good a time as ever to point out that my friends and family, all of whom are well aware of my medical overreactions (and have nursed me through my insistence that I have the 'bubonic plague' and 'mange' on more than one occasion) were completely supportive and gave me no end of sympathy and attention while I ranted delusional about all of my symptoms.
Thankfully, my trip to Hawaii did wonders for my stress level, and I put my health woes out of my mind.
Until Sunday night...
Covered from head to toe in hives, I felt miserable.
And that's when the swelling started.
Luckily, going hand in hand with my belief that I can diagnose my own incurable diseases sans medical degree or any basic trailing, I also happen to believe that all of my House marathons have prepared me enough to self medicate in these situations:
Exhausted, overly medicated, and covered in hives like some giant hive monster, I sought comfort from the only person who loves me enough to lie about how horrible I look:
*Disclaimer:
This actually didn't happen. I don't use WebMD to diagnose my medical problems any more than I use rabid weasels to solve my cleaning problems.
But this drawing was much funnier than the thirty of me carefully reading books, and making notes, and consulting professionals.
Sometimes the truth must suffer, for comedies sake.
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