Hawaii

If you've been reading my other posts, you know that I spent my Christmas in Hawaii.




My inability to fit in aside, Hawaii was fantastic.

Great food.
Fantastic weather.
Freakin' spinner dolphins.
Hawaii was great.

There were a few noticeable differences between Seattle and Hawaii, however.

You see, at home in Seattle, everyone I know constantly caters to my self esteem in the most superfluous way possible.

I canter around like child, and demand undivided attention at the drop of a hat, and, for whatever reason, it works.

This is considered a normal conversation in my house:














Five minutes later...




And my father isn't the only one to blame...


I've gotten so used to this treatment, I now expect it everywhere.










But this wasn't the only difference I noticed between home and Hawaii.

So I present to you, my friends,
The Things I Noticed in Hawaii

1. People in Hawaii have no understanding of 'traffic lanes'




2. People in Hawaii have no understanding of the concept of 'turn signals'

I don't think I ever once saw someone use a turn signal properly while on the Big Island.
Healthy living has somehow given them all the ability to miraculously interpret which direction people intend on driving...

3. People in Hawaii have a strange understanding of 'time'

This is an actual conversation that took place outside my mother's house one morning.

Mom to her husband, Howie: 'What time are you planning on going and opening the shop this morning?"

Howie: "Nine thirty, I think"

Cella: "... it's ten right now..."

Howie: "Great, then I have time for a shower"

Shops there opened 'whenever', and no one seemed to mind or even notice.
If there were watches that were specifically tailored to Hawaiians, it would have two times on it:

-Before noon, and
-After noon

4. Fish are awesome

Seriously awesome.

Cella's Weekly Vocabulary: #1

As I have been particularly unmotivated with my studies recently, I've made a new years resolution to dedicate ONE BLOG POST A WEEK to delivering unto you, five GRE words, complete with my interpretation of their meaning and my own illustrations.

So, without further rambling, I present to you:

Cella's Weekly Vocabulary: #1

1. Hermetic (adj) (huhr meh tihk)

Definition: Tightly sealed

Sample sentence given by people with no understanding of comedy: The hermetic seal of the jar proved impossible to break.

Cella's sentence: If I am ever accidentally exposed to a highly contagious and harmful substance, I would like to be sealed in a hermetic bubble, and then have a movie made about my experience in said bubble (Alyson Hannigan from How I Met Your Mother should be cast to play the movie version of Cella).




2. Pragmatic (adj) (praag maa tihk)

Definition: Practical, as opposed to idealistic

Sample sentence given by people with no understanding of comedy: While idealistic gamblers think they can get rich by frequenting casinos, pragmatic gamblers realize that the odds are heavily stacked against them.

Cella's sentence: According to 'science', my attempts to cross breed a kitten with a bunny to create a butten were not pragmatic.



3. Analogous (adj) (uh naal uh guhs)

Definition: Similar or alike in some way; equivalent to

Sample sentence given by people with no understanding of comedy: His mother argued that not going to college was analogous
to throwing his life away.

Cella's sentence: The quality of drawings I use for this blog are analogous to the stick figures I drew as a small child.



4. Loquacious (adj) (loh kway shuhs)

Definition: Talkative

Sample sentence given by people with no understanding of comedy: She is naturally loquacious, which is a problem in situations where listening is more important than talking.

Cella's sentence: I have invented a device for loquacious people who wont shut up when on elevators or in likewise confined spaces where escape is not possible.







5. Affected (adj) (uh fehk tihd)

Definition: Phony; artificial

Sample sentence given by people with no understanding of comedy: The affected hair dresser spouted French Phrases, though she had never been to France.

Cella's sentence: Being a giant affected phony comes easy to anyone who has worked in retail for more than five minutes at a time.

My New Years Eve

New Years Eve is without a doubt the most depressing and disappointing night of the entire year.

99.9% of people don't spend their New Years Eve in a black stretch limo, being carted to awesome party after awesome party, where they'll ring in the new year with celebrities, coke, and under cover police officers who will later bust the celebrities for coke possession.

Instead, we mostly spend our New Years at dodgy bars, getting drunk and wishing we were surrounded by drug fueled celebrities, kissing play boy bunnies when the ball drops.

Which inevitably results in disappointment.

So I've long since given up on New Years Eve parties.

This year gave me a convenient excuse. You see, as of last night, I was still COVERED IN HIVES



And, like nearly every New Years Eve before, I was passed out well before midnight.



Here;s an outline of my New Years Eve, for you all to enjoy.

5:00pm

As I mentioned, I was still suffering from chronic 'giant hive monster'-itis.



Luckily, my friend 'prescription drugs' was there to help



Unfortunately, there's only so much drugs can do to help, and after an hour, I was still scratching rivets into my beautiful, beautiful body.

6:00pm



As anyone with even the slightest amount of medical knowledge knows, scratching releases histamines into the body.
These histamines trigger you to become even itchier, causing you to scratch more.
It's a vicious cycle I use as identifiable proof that god hates us.

There was only one solution to break the cycle.



Logically, if my hands were incapable of scratching, I could break the histamine cycle.

But in an itchy world, logic isn't very helpful

6:15pm



6:30pm

More drugs were consumed.



7:00pm

The House marathon on TNT left me cheerfully optimistic for the future.





7:30pm

More drugs were consumed



8:00pm

Around eight my grasp of the difference between reality and fantasy became tenuous, at best.



9:00pm

At nine, father came in to make sure I hadn't ODed.

I had constructed a cocoon out of my blankets.












Finally, drugged and exhausted, I fell asleep sometime around ten.

10:00pm



Midnight, New Years Eve



When I awoke the next morning, there was an unexpected surprise.

My hives had reduced by at least 80%

9:30am, New Years Day









Happy New Year, everyone.
From me, and Zimbo.